In my last post, I wrote “I choose heaven over healing.”

Later, I thought maybe that statement could be misunderstand. I want to be sure I am clear.

In the phone call, the doctor didn’t give me any new information. She spoke frankly of the risks and likely odds we are facing and gave her opinion on a few things. She took the facts we know now and explained what it means from her perspective. It opened my eyes to reality.

But we have not yet made the decision on brain surgery. That will most likely happen sometime in May, after we receive more specific details on the testing.

It won’t be an easy choice to make, and my last post was an outpouring of my floundering heart. All this time, I’ve been convinced that surely God will heal Tarica. He still might. We may go ahead with surgery, and she may become seizure-free.

But we might feel God’s leading to decline surgery, or surgery may not heal her—and I finally realized this. Yes, it will hurt deeply (hence the shattered-heart line—forgive my drama), but it’s not as tragic as I think it is. God can redeem our pain and turn it into good.

Ultimately, heaven is more important than a seizure-free life. Eternity is more important than time. Our destiny is more important than our children having perfect lives.

This is an unavoidable truth, but it hurts me, because I want the best for my children.

But so does God.

And heaven is the ultimate best.

Heaven is guaranteed healing, but healing doesn’t guarantee heaven.

I’m still praying for healing, but I’m also praying that if healing is not for Tarica, God will help us accept it and even grow from it. I’m praying that no matter the medical outcome, all of our family would find and follow God, although it may mean facing pain now to gain bliss later.

That’s why I choose heaven over healing.

P.S. But if God does heal her, you will have to search the world over to find a more thankful family.